The American has been lucky to catch an exclusive interview with our favorite cartoon family.
Here are the people behind the pictures.
Rocco Johnson
Hi Fans! Footballing legend Rocco Johnson here. It's a real pleasure to give an exclusive to
The American, what with them doing a fly on the wall documentary covering my visit to the UK with
Team Johnson. I feel a bit like Alistair Cook in reverse! It makes a change from Hello magazine –
and I've beaten my friends, newlyweds Tom and Katie, to it. Why are we here? I won't be metaphysical
with my answer (Bet my football fans wouldn't guess I knew a big word like that!) By the way, that's
real football, fans, not this girlie type the Brits play. Seems stupid: why use your feet when you've
got hands? But then the only person who does use his hands never catches the ball anyway! If it wasn't
for my tragic injury that robbed America of its Football Legend, I would still be playing man's football.
I am sure that I wasn't the first person to fall off a cliff face and won't be the last. So, fellow brave
Americans, be careful.
As you can see, fans, the body's still one of a highly toned athlete and that leads me on nicely as to
why I brought the little old family to our 51st state. You see it all started when I met Tammy–Lee (or
Princess as her parents call her – I'm sure that's where Tammy–Lee gets this notion that she comes from
British Aristocracy!) on that infamous Playboy shoot. Love blossomed and we became "Mr and Mrs Showbiz".
It was a real boost for Tammy–Lee's career and the rest is history.
I realised that women enjoyed and felt safe with someone of my size around when Madge said to me backstage
recently that she could do with some decent personal security. Well there's only so much time you can spend
on the golfcourse, so I decided to come here to set up RPM – Rocco's Personal Muscle. Our catch phrase is
"You never have to look behind yer, With Rocco as yer Minder!".
I must look up "metaphysical" in the dictionary. (Actually, the journalist said to use it, and mention
Alistair Cook to make me look deep–thinking. Tammy–Lee just asked me Who's this Cookie guy? I told her
everyone knows he's in a band!) I'm gonna hand over to Tammy–Lee now to give me a chance to do some more
bonding with Anne and Charles. I think Charles has got a problem: he's starting to write poetry! Wow to
the power of wow, fans!
Tammy–Lee
Tom and Katie were so jealous when I told them I was coming to England with my three huggily–cudillies. We
were so excited to see this little country with all its olde–World charm. I'm used to having cameras on me
24/7 and Rocco should be used to it, he's been married to me long enough. Charles hates it but Tom said "I
hope you don't go through a time, like Sharon did with Jack Osbourne." He said perhaps we should take him to
church! Anne's too young to know any better, but I see she's developing my good looks so it should be a good
experience for her.
It was a really good idea when Madge suggested to me backstage recently that I should get Rocco working and
wow what an idea that he should do personal security. I'm so excited that The American wants to cover me trying
to trace my aristocratic roots. I'm also pleased that Rocco got working again since his tragic accident with the
ironing board. Must go – Anne's crying and Charles is kicking my poor huggilly–cuddilly!
Charles' first interview
I'm bored!
This is so boring.
I never wanted to come here.
I spend all my time picking up the names they drop.
I'm not interested in talking anymore.
That's it.
Anne’s very first interview
I can’t talk yet, but I think I’m going to be the smartest one in the family.
